Friends,

We don’t mean to be alarmist. We just care too deeply about the next generation becoming the most grit-filled and grace-laden the world has ever known.

And if you, the primary disciplers, fall pray to these insidious cultural lies on parenting, then that very worthy aim will be in jeopardy.

The following 3 narratives that we’re gonna cover in this series of posts have taken turns gaining massive traction online and they are startlingly unbiblical, unhelpful and likely hurtful!

We’ve all been there “innocently” scrolling when we come upon a suggested post or even a post sent from someone we know and trust.

In the video appears either a psycho-therapist of some kind or just another unqualified influencer. And by their “expert” advice they’re advocating for one of the following:

Don’t make your kids share
Don’t make your kids face consequences
Don’t make your kids obey

But these 3 schools of thought never sound that way, do they? Like all good lies they maintain a sliver of truth. And they are ALWAYS marketed craftily, and cited credibly and so they appear trustworthy.

We are here to say: BEWARE… the fruit of these parenting decisions will be bitter indeed.

Let us take up the first one: Don’t make kids share…

Let me qualify this very first one: we’re gonna do our objective best to represent each narrative-using their own words…

Here is the summary directly from google ai results:
​ “forcing sharing can sometimes hinder the development of natural sharing instincts and even create resentment… instead they advocate for teaching kids the concept of taking turns and understanding they don’t have to relinquish ownership of their belongings permanently.”

You already know this from past posts but our home is “not fair.” THAT is one of our governing cultural scripts and norms.
Why?
Because neither is the world that they will soon inherit!

A while back our church was in a teaching series on the book of Job and I love the Bible Project’s brief definition contrasting the difference between Proverbs and Job.

Essentially they say, ‘Job is the wisdom literature you turn to when the formulaic ‘if-then’ promises of Proverbs fails.’

The story of Job starts with the predicate of a righteous man who goes on to lose everything. Now how does that figure, God? How is that “fair?”

It ain’t. And neither is the world…

So that’s our predicate as a family; that’s our starting place. So you can guess our response…

Do we believe in “turn taking?” You bet! A very very common phrase around here is: “two minute turns!” (As kids are screaming their heads off for the coveted item).

But even the phrasing seems to point to the underlying foundation of our hyper-therapeutic, soft-padded, victim-creating cultural phenomenon: “forced sharing.”

What you’re going to find in each one of these deeply flawed paradigms is an underlying almost Marxist assumption that in this world there can be only victims and oppressors. And we MUST stop viewing the child-parent relationship as a ”class struggle!”

These convictions and influences will NOT produce grit in your children.

I can hear someone pushing back: “would I really want to simulate an unfair world in my home?!”
We would humbly submit to you: “yes! If you care about creating in your children grit, resilience and faith.”

For generations no one would ever dare utter such a phrase (“don’t force share!”).
Why?
Because the Biblical ethic of parents being the representative authority of God on earth was still a remote memory!

And as the image of God to our children, as God’s ambassadors to our children we still believe in the following ethics:

This week, ask yourself:
Have we unconsciously or explicitly promoted the facade of “fairness” in our home and are we willing to try a different way?
What are the rules and ethics that govern our home?
Do they reflect a Biblical worldview?
Have they proven to produce much fruit?

Until next time, God bless you and keep you on this fearless parenting journey!

-Benjamin & Rylee