Being parents of 11 children (12 come August), we get this question from time to time: “HOW DO YOU DO IT?!”

And while it’s not totally clear what’s in the heart of the person asking, we can infer what they mean…

How do you keep up?
How do you “watch” all of them (keep them safe/alive)?!
How do you stay sane (with the rejoinder; ‘I’m having a hard time with 1 or 2!’)?

And man, we get it! We know how we look! We certainly know how many kids we have and how craaaazy it seems to our neighbors and friends living in Southern California.

Well this is our long-form answer…

Do our extended family chip in? Yes, of course, we are blessed to have family who live nearby.
Do our older children do their part? Yes, they are absolute sweethearts (if not official babysitters yet 😉)
Do we use a screen sometimes? Yes, very sparingly.

But there’s something deeper, more comprehensive and strategic that is at play here and it has to do with our unique way of thinking.

The following series of posts will be a unique insight into our parenting brainchild.

A few very specific and very strategic methods that we employ-at even a subconscious level have occurred to us as we barrel through another summer and we thought that might be something we should define and share!

And the first rather unique way we think is through the lens of routines and rhythms…

Here are 3 things to think about when it comes to moving from disorder to routine in parenting:

1. Come under a final and penetrating conviction to NOT give in to ‘calendar crazy!’

At the time of writing we are full swing into summer. And I wonder, as we reach the midpoint: are you happy with the scheduling decisions you've made?

All the camps and VBS’s and trips (or the lack thereof)… did you overbook? How was the affect on your kids when they came home hungry, tired and sick? And how did all that affect you?

Until the pain is utterly unacceptable to you, it will be hard to come under true and lasting conviction around the calendar you keep.

It should come as no surprise (as a series of posts on ‘how we think’), but until you make this internal even spiritual decision to stop ‘doing violence’ to your souls, you will not see lasting and life-giving change.

2. Consider routines and rhythms that are repeatable AND life-giving!

Real talk: we know the pain of routines that serve you VS routines that don’t serve you. We’ve had so many examples of routines we’ve quit, I’ve lost count… from potty training (that was too soon) to teaching the kids to read (where they weren’t ready) to bedtime steps (that got too convoluted)!

It takes constant review and discussion to discern what’s working and what’s not.

When you create a goal or routine that you’re never able to live up to, you’ll always end up feeling like a failure. And THATS not life-giving.

Ask: how can you trim a multi-part routine down to just 1 step or if you’re creating a new routine, what is 1 step to build on?

3. Get the kids involved

One of our “ways of thinking” that has served us very well as a large family is getting the kids involved. We will talk about this in future posts, but there is a very sad cultural perspective that suggests kids are capable of very little, as if we are robbing them of their childhood by leaning on them to carry some of the weight.

We actually think it’s a gift to teach them to work, to participate, to “co-own.”

Whether it‘s at meal times and each of the little ones has their role for bringing cups, water, silverware or;
Whether it’s morning jobs of dishes and laundry or;
Whether it’s nap time/rest time and the olders are helping get the youngers settled down

Within each of these key points of the day, there is a simple and small thing that your kids can do to partner and help.

In this you will impart to them good, strong habits for the rest of their lives.

BONUS: One routine that we talk about in the podcast below that we are particularly passionate about is bedtime routine. One of THEE most constant and non-negotiable life-giving rhythms in our home is getting the kids to bed on time. When we tell other parents how early our kids go down, they are always kind of aghast, but it’s there for a very particular reason that triggers a cascading affect of other habits and routines that guard and protect everyone. Check it out and consider adjusting your vital evening routines.

HOMEWORK: Make a list of your worst pain points and pick two (dad’s/mom’s) AND make a plan to “take pains” for just 2 weeks-working on 1 issue at a time!

RESOURCES: Laying down the rails for children Lanaya Gore; large family logistics by Kim Brenneman; dr Becky on hubberman

Bless you guys!

-Benjamin & Rylee